Figuring It Out As I Go…











{February 28, 2007}   Randomness…

I was told tonight I’m selfish…not those exact words, but that was the meaning…I don’t think I am, and it bothers me that it was said!

I stayed home from work today. I threw up when I got home yesterday, and generally felt horrible. I didn’t feel much better this morning, so I figured better safe than sorry. I’m feeling fine tonight though, so I’m happy 🙂

I’ve been going to therapy. I think it’s helping…I guess. Honestly I guess I don’t really know what I think about it. She told me today she wants me to come once a week. I know I have many issues, most of them old, most of them still affecting my every day life. I hope it helps. I forgot to tell her about my nightmares. I also forgot to tell her about finding my sister…

Yup, I have a sister. I’ve always known this. My mom had her when she was 17 and gave her up for adoption. She’s 10 years older than I. I used to talk to her, until I was around 15 or 16, then we lost touch. I started looking for her a couple weeks ago, and a good friend used her powers to help me find her. I sent her an email, and she wrote me back, saying she wanted to talk to me more, and she was glad I found her. I wrote her back a freakin’ book, and I’m waiting for her response. I have no idea what she’s looking for. I know I’d like to have a sister. And she has 2 children, a boy and a girl. I’d love to be an Aunt, and I’m glad in some way I am. I feel robbed of a lot. Growing up I always wanted a sibling! I’m so glad I have 2 kids…there are so many things they won’t miss out on, things most people take for granted, like getting to be an Aunt or Uncle…

I know I’ve said this already, but my Uncle’s memorial is this Saturday. It’s weighing so heavily on my mind, and Ariel broke down and started sobbing the other day, which broke my heart. It’s going to be hard. I don’t think I ever realized how final death really is…

I’m rambling…I have so much on my mind right now…things I can’t blog about. I’m glad I’m going back to work tomorrow. It’s my grounding point; the constant in my life.

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