Does having a ring and someone’s last name really mean security?
Don’t marriages seem to break up just as easily as plain ol’ relationships these days?
Or does the ring symbolize something more? That right now, that person wants to be with you always, even though that’s subject to change as the years go on.
Is anyone ever truly content just being with someone, not ever knowing if that person truly loves them enough to share their whole life with them? Always wondering if they’re good enough, or just a consolation prize.
{April 17, 2007}
Food For Thought
Figuring It Out As I Go... 
I think the ring is what you make it. For me, it would mean I am choosing to be with that person forever: I can only hope that if I ever get to that point, it means as much to him too.
Love is difficult. I married young – divorced after a couple of years, and never could trust enough ever again.
Just be open…
Grasshopper, that is one loaded post!!!
I’ve been married twice. First time I really was in love, no matter what happened, mi hija is the product of that marriage, so I refuse to regret it.
as for the second marriage, go figure WTF either of us was thinking. He’s out now š I’m just another member of the Gay Ex-Husband’s club (Arianna Huffington and the woman who wrote How Stella Got Her Groove Back are in the club too; I’m keeping good company – lol).
Now I’m with Mr. Wonderful, and I don’t know how he puts up with me (especially this last year that I’ve been ill, and it’s only been about 2 months that we’ve really known /why/ I’ve been so sick). I queried him a couple days ago, asking if marriage is still on the agenda. He assured me it is. But as I read your post, I feel the uncertainty and it seems you’re wondering if marriage is a reasonable goal?
Mr. Wonderful’s profile on match.com (yup – I’m a 21st century woman – hehehe), said he was looking for someone to join him on the journey. Also, one of his favorite things was discovering what’s in his own back yard. I thought that was poetic, and my mind was made up before I even talked to him on the phone. But still, when will I get that ring and the last name?
I feel your agony, but I have no answers.
I hope it does; but I think it really depends on the person you’re marrying. And yourself, of course.
A ring doesn’t mean squat. It’s the promise and the intent that means something. Those that chose to marry should know that it takes work…really hard work and commitment.
I was engaged young and the attitude on his part was that if it didn’t work out we could always split up.
I’ve now been married 18 years to a man that swore he would never get married nor have kids. He watched his parents destroy each other and didn’t want to ever do that to someone else.
We’ve grown up together and I don’t see us ending anytime soon. It’s all about trust and risk. And each person has to decide on their own what makes sense to them…
Relationships, ring & last name or not, succeed or fail based on variables such as honesty and ability to communicate.
I do think marriage isn’t taken as seriously as it once was though.
I think a ring is just any old object unless you give it some power. One of your posters said it’s not the ring, or name, but rather the two people. I totally agree. If you’re not completely commited to being together for the rest of your lives, come hell or high water .. then there’s no point in getting married.
For me, marriage was IT! My parents are married still for 50+ years, so I had great examples growing up .. however my hubby came from a split home, and he was bound and determined not to let history repeat itself. It’s been 12 years (15 together) and we work on it daily to keep it what it is today.
I really don’t know what to tell you.
(((Hugs)))
Well I went from having a normal everyday last name to one that I have to spell to everyone. That’s been the only drawback for me. lol And what lots of people have already said is right. It’s not the ring, it’s the promise and commitment that the ring symbolizes. Also, it lets creepy guy at the gym know “Back off buddy!”. Hee!
Lots of good stuff in the comments already…
I fare much better with discussions on woodland creatures bodily functions and useless trivia. However I will say that personally I am lucky as hell to be where I am. SD and I have known each other for over 20 years…I know all the bad and good about him and vice versa. It makes keeping our marriage healthy much easier. It’s hard to hide the true “you” for 20 years…so I guess what I’m saying is we knew what we were each in for when we got together.
I will also say that in a marriage without children that yes, it is very easy to get a divorce and it seems much like a “break up” from a long-term relationship…I know that’s wrong but that’s how it felt when I went through it.
For me, (I love my ring) it’s a daily reminder of the man I am linked to for life! Kind of like the reason I go to church on Sundays is to keep me focused and on path. It’s my reminder every week.
This is the first place my kids have befriended so many single parent homes. It is funny how many questions they have about that.
I’m in it for the long haul !
The rings don’t mean much to us…neither of us wear them anymore. He doesn’t because he works with machinery, I don’t because mine don’t fit and I haven’t gotten them resized. The ring was never the important part, the commitment was, the love was, the friendship and everything else that comes with it. I understand some think the ring is a symbol of their love. I don’t need a symbol, but if I do I will just look at our son. What greater symbol of someone’s love coule their be?
The ring is a symbol, but respect, humor, and love are what hold a marriage together. I’m on my third one and finally found the right mix! Also, as we grow older our expectations may be a little more realistic and our priorities different. I find that I don’t feel a need to “fix” my husband like I did with the first two. And, luckily, he doesn’t feel a need to “fix” me!!
funny I never worry if i am good enough. NEVER once. The ‘ring’ came when I was 22. Married at 23. I was wise with my choice and have had a pretty good run to date… I didnt think about divorse until the world around me rocked in 2005 and I had so many family members die in a row. My marriage was rocked to the core and it was the first time I thought that it could possibly not make it through the long haul… (married 17 years at that point)Coming from a broken household where both parents married multiple times.. you would think I would have been tainted, but it was the opposite. I believe in love. idk that i believe in forever though.
Oh boy…this is a tough one.
I think it is different for everyone. There’s nothing that will bind two people together if they don’t want to be.
I’ve only been married once (still am married), and to me, the ring is a symbol of our commitment to each other. However, my father, who has been married 5 times, obviously feels differently! I guess it all depends on how you and your partner view marriage and what you bring to the commitment. Trust is the most important aspect of a relationship. Without it, the ring means nothing.
I have a ring, but I don’t wear it. I do sometimes, but rings drive me nuts. But no it does not mean it will last forever. I used to think that, but it’s not true.
***You guys are all so wonderful, and your comments are great! A ring is important to me, very important actually, and I just wanted to see how everyone else feels about it. For me it’s a symbol of the love and devotion you feel for one another. I know some people don’t need that symbol, but I do. It’s something tangible…I like tangible. Again, you guys are awesome!!***
Sorry that I am late to the party, but I felt I would throw in my view.
I believe the view of the ring is what that person interprets it to be. To some, its just something that shows other people to back off and that you are taken. To some, its something that is just a shiny object that society says they have to have to show commitment.
But to some of us more inclined to symbolism and more romantic idealism, that ring means more. For me it stated that my commitment was not just made between my spouse and myself, but by both of us before God. I think that if you are a person that is built more towards emotional spirituality then that ring is going to mean a lot more than it does to a couple whose marriage is built on healthy practicality and commitment…either is great, but just felt in different ways and does not guarantee anything. Love, trust and hard work are the best recipe for marriage:-) Hopefully, I will get back to that level one of these days!
I’m late commenting on this, been very busy, but I wanted to add my thoughts, for what they are worth. I am of an older generation and we did things differently than some younger people do, like staying together for the children even when we realized how incompatible we were. My late husband and I hurt each other a lot along the way, but — believe it or not — 24 years into our 27 year marriage, we separated for a month and when we got back together, our relationship totally changed for the better and we enjoyed our last 3 years together more than, I think, any of the previous ones.
Practially-speaking, our staying together gave our sons an example of marital longevity despite difficulties and also made it so that I was financially secure after he died because the business he founded has gone on in such a successful way.
I’m glad you think that the ring means something special. I agree with you. I doubt I will ever remarry, but I’m not sorry that I stayed in my marriage as I did. There is definitely a lot to be gained by remaining committed despite adversity.
I tell my Boyfriend that the ring will be the divorce settlement. If he screws up I’m pawning it and getting the heck outta town!